yarn diet?

Since I found out that I wouldn't be going to Rhinebeck, my yarn diet.... gone! I needed to cheer myself up and went to the Fiber Loft. I purchased some J.Knits laceweight in Boston, prettttttty... and also a skein of Trekking Pro Natura for dad's X-mas present. Also two nights ago, I ordered 2 skeins Wicked Witch sock yarn from GeminiKnits on Etsy. I want to make matching Wicked socks for me and mom, probably not in time for the show on the 21st, but still... And I made a big order on B&N.com They are having a sale on a lot of craft books, so I picked up, Stitchionary 2 (the Cabling one), Highland Knits (or something along those lines) and Exquisite Little Knits (for one eensy pattern).

Fall down, go boom!

I still have some roving in my etsy basket, that I want badly, but I'm trying not to...

knitting catch-up

So, they bumped up my surgery to the 18th (two and a half weeks away!!!!). Which is good and all, pain's going away, thats a good thing, but now I can't go to Rhinebeck! Sad!

I finished Baby Blanket of Doom and am WIP-less... or I was... Then I signed up for Secret of the Stole. My first KAL, aside from the HP-KAL, which never really left the ground. But Secret of the Stole looks fun. I have the yarn, bought beads and made my swatch:

Secret of the Stole swatch

I also cast on another shawl, thats also beaded, and really pretty, but the beads stressed the yarn and it broke, so I'm going to try fix that and will try adding them on with a crochet hook from now on. I'll try to add a picture later.

I have also been doing a lot of spinning lately, here's my proof of that:

handspun

handspun

update

So, I went to the doctor again on Monday and he decided that I'm going to have surgery to remove the cysts. So, next month I'm to have my first surgery ever and I'm a little bit terrified.

I finished the Baby Blanket of Doom and I need a new project. Maybe I'll finish my sweater.
I wanted to embroider the BBoD with a flower in the corner, but I tried to chain stitch it and gave up. Chain stitching is hard.

Um, I think I need a nap

I want my own Mr. Darcy

*sigh*

Pride and Prejudice is my feel-good movie. No question. I love that movie. It's creeping up my list of favorites. And while I've enjoyed the long PBS version, the new, short one is an amazing quick fix and (don't hate me all you original-version fans) I think I like the new one best. I love Keira Knightley though, so thats part of it and the new Mr. Darcy (Matthew Macfadyen) is dreamy. Oh, of course Colin Firth is dreamy too, but I think I fancy the new Mr. Darcy better.

*sigh*

I want my own Mr. Darcy.

new knitty

I want to read the new Knitty soooooo bad, but I have sooooo much A&P homework to do..... Why today Knitty!? Why today!?!?!?

Soooo not fair!

sick ovaries

There's lots of stuff I should talk about, like how I went to the hospital again for stabby-pains and vicoden-induced vomiting, but its icky and we don't like icky, so I'm gonna stay away. I'm just gonna say, it was I-Hate-Jamie day on Monday cause I waited 5.5 hours to be seen in the ER and they had to stick me three times! THREE!!! Once for blood work and then twice for an IV, cause the nurse couldn't find my veins!

I've missed a lot of work and my first Psych class and missed my opportunity to post on BlackBoard for A&P, so have missed a homework assignment.

I really wanted to hang out with Lynne after work tomorrow cause we're trying to start a weekly thing of going to the skeezy bar down the road and having pizza and beer after work, but we can't this week cause I have to buy books and do all my homework tomorrow night and then I have the Aerosmith concert on Friday!

So, no Lynne, but I do get Aerosmith!!!!! That makes me happy!!!!

It's gonna be a cold night, that makes me happy too!

Um, lets see... I guess thats it.

Maybe Lynne and I can go shopping after work on Saturday... hmm, I'll have to ask at work tomorrow.

Oh! And! I bought tickets to see Spamalot in January!!!
but now I'm poor.

Very little on the knitting front. I'll probably work on Baby Blanket of Doom tonight and listen to Dragonfly in Amber.

K, really, I'm done now. Night!

deep dark secret

I am about to reveal one of my deepest, darkest secrets to ya'all:

I LOVE Hannah Montana!!!

No, seriously, that show is awesome! As is all of the Disney Channel. High School Musical, HSM2, seen them both. Watched HSM2 with my cousins the night it premiered! Oh come on, Zac Efron is sooo dreamy (I don't care if he's too young for me, he's dreamy dammit!)! But yea, Hannah Montana is the best of all.

Ok, now ya all know just how much of a loser I am.

Knitting ADHD

I have cast on two new socks today and made a lot of headway on the baby blanket. One pair of socks in Trekking and one pair in leftover Lisa Souza for baby socks! They are so cute! I'll take pictures once there's a little more than an inch of cuff, lol. Oi, its 1 am. I need to go to sleep. I guess I probably won;t be making it to the gym tomorrow. Too bad, too, I really need it.

First Psych class tomorrow night.

Things are still silent on the Derek front and I'm really saddened by it. I think I might call him tomorrow night, when my head isn't fuzzy from medicine. I know he doesn't believe it, but I really only asked cause I'm spacey. I asked him if he ever cheated on me when we were dating. I can't help that ever since he cheated on his current girlfriend with me that I would doubt his faithfulness back when we were dating. To make things worse, he is still under the impression that I cheated on him with Danny. Cause he thought we were only on break, but I thought everything was over. Drama, drama, drama. I even told him that if his answer was yes, he did, I don't know if I would have the right to be mad at him.

Its like my aunt who got divorced over seven years ago to a man who had cheated on her. She is still bitter. Understandable, except that it was her ex-husband second marriage because she had been his other woman during his first. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I understand that she was mad and sad and allllll that, but seriously, she thought he only cheated for her?

I've put a lot of thought into this lately. And vicoden brought it out... out loud. I swear this stuff is worse than drunk dialing.

open mouth, insert foot

So, I really know how to put my foot in my mouth. If I ever want to be with Derek again, I'm screwed.

I'm high on painkillers for the stabby-pains. I had another attack today, so I've been heavily medicated.

And it's bringing out my worst qualities.

...its taking over

I just thought you should know...
the yarn...
its taking over my desk.
















And OMG this yarn diet is hard!

Happier, I swear, and yarn-related

So, this is the New and Improved Baby Blanket of Doom (BBoD for short):















Also, my Walking in the Woods socks:















Or, well, one of them, the other one is in my purse to work on at the hospital tomorrow. I've turned the heel and am working on the foot.

As of now, I am on a HUGE serious Yarn Diet. I am not allowed to buy yarn until Rhinebeck (Oct 21st). Seriously... Yesterday I bought enough yarn to finish the BBoD and a sweater and today I purchased a skein of L&V sock yarn, but that was it for a whole month and a half.

So it begins.

When I ramble about depressing stuff...

I am horrible at keeping a blog, I really am. Lets see... I've decided to be a nicer person. I realized that when I say I'm a mean person all the time, even if I'm just kidding, it really starts to happen. Blame it on that self-fulfilling prophecy stuff. I used to be a really nice person, so nice that I let people walk all over me all the time. I made that realization right around the time Derek and I broke up and Danny told me that I was too dependent on men. So, I vowed that I would become stronger and more independent. However, I just turned cold. Its been about a year and a half now and I am an Ice Queen: I rarely go out, all of my friendships have gone downhill, I have a horrible attitude, and I'm ridiculously lonely.

There has to be a happy medium.

I met somebody. I met him on OKCupid. The site creeps the hell out of me, but it worked well for one of my friends, so I did it anyways. After being on the site for a couple of months and talking to people online, I finally decided to meet one of the normal ones in person. He's a nice enough guy, but I am not even a little bit interested in him. "Beggars can't be choosers" can bite my ass, cause I'd rather be alone and bored and almost miserable than in a stale, passionless relationship.

I was talking to Lynne the other day about Derek. She said, very politely, but pointedly, "You're not over him, are you?" I stopped and thought about it for a minute and answered, "No, and I probably never will be. Thats just how I am." Its pretty true. I fall and I fall hard and I never really get over it.

This is probably way too melodramatic, but I feel like the past two or three years have been really hard for me. Life will always have its ups and downs, but lately the downs have been outnumbering the ups. My Grmmy broke her hip this morning. She's getting old and its scary. She's 87 and I still think of her as my Grammy that lived by herself and was strong and independent and took care of me on weekends that my parents worked. Her dementia is hitting me really really hard. I know the ups and downs are probably about even. Deep down I know it, but lately, its just been so hard. And when it gets like this, its so hard to remember the good too. All I can think about is the bad. For three years all I can think of is bad, hard, horrible events: Grammy getting hurt today and getting sick two years ago, when her health started speeding downhill, my mom's aunt dying last week, Derek and I breaking up a year and a half ago, my dad being fired two years ago, Danny, leaving me for his ex right after Derek and I broke up, failing all of those classes and dropping out of RWU two years ago... the list can go on and on and if I don't get out of this funk and start thinking about the good, it will. That can't happen. I've let all that steam out, now I have to start thinking of the good. Discovering a passion for knitting and spinning, meeting Lynne and having a partner in crime at work, going off of antidepressants, meeting Derek and having fun while it lasted, and then once we got over the breakup, having a good friend I can count on for the rest of my life, all of the fun I've had with my friends, going to concerts and bars and Harry Potter parties, lol.

Good. Positive attitude. Its what I need. Good things happen to good people.